Like Spencer said, "If this is any indication how she will be, we are in for it!"
This has been quite an experience!! I have felt so many different emotions. From anger, frustration, comfort, love, scared, hopeful, relieved, excited, pain, anxiousness...I know that our Heavenly Father won't give us more than we can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much! (I believe that is a quote by mother Teresa). I have wondered at times and have asked, "why this? why me? why can't things just go as normal?" but I am humbled real quick and have learned that everything I am experiencing is coming from my Heavenly Father. It's been SO HARD on so many people...my husband, my kids, my parents, and Spencer's parents, my dance students...but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and we are getting closer!!
I want to document everything that has happened, for my own memories so bare with all the details.
Saturday night (June 8th) I went into labor at home. I was having contractions about every 3 minutes. I told myself a week before that...I will not go to the hospital unless my water breaks because I don't want to be hospitalized. Well, contractions got harder/stronger and so I gave in and told Spencer we needed to go. The whole way up they were strong and hard, I was admitted about midnight and instantly they gave me a shot of terbutaline...it knocked the contractions out almost immediately. They also did a fetal fibrinectin test (if negative you have a less than 1% chance of delivering in the next 2 weeks...positive means you have greater chance of delivering in the next few weeks). We were released early that next Sunday morning.
I remember getting home and Spencer being absolutely exhausted!! He has been so good to hold down the fort. It's been weeks and weeks of bed rest for me... He has juggled cleaning, laundry, yard, farm-work, kids, baseball games, helping me, etc. I just remember looking at him Sunday and thinking I can't wait to get things back to normal because he is just running ragged! He doesn't complain hardly at all--he is truly my ROCK! The kids slept over at my mom's and Spencer was able to catch a few hours of sleep before he got up on his own and got ready for church and prepared his primary lesson. One thing I have learned about Spencer through all of this is how strong his testimony is. He has never called in a sub for primary unless he was up in the hospital with me. Instead of calling or not going to church to stay and sleep (we had no sleep that whole night) he just got up without complaining and carried on. That was humbling to me--as bad as I wanted him just to stay and lay in bed with me I knew what he was doing was the right thing to do. I know he will be blessed and so will our family!! The bishop ric stopped in later that night and was good to check in on us. Spencer shared his testimony about a lot of things--it was a spiritual moment.
Monday was one of my most emotional days--it was the Barton Family Reunion at lagoon, and so I wouldn't be home alone Spencer felt it was best for me to stay at his moms. He woke me up early and I remember just crying--it just felt like, "when is this going to end." The thought of my kids at Lagoon without me was all I could take. I didn't want to miss out on seeing them on the rides and their faces lighting up!! There are so many things we take for granted daily. It sounds stupid now but seriously I was a mess. I cried nearly the whole way to Moroni and even stayed in the truck for a few minutes to try and keep my emotions back. I didn't want Peggy to feel bad I was crying, so I was able to hold it together. She was so great and willing to do everything. I got all set up in her bed and she got me breakfast. Shortly after my mom came to pick up Spencer and when I heard her walk in I broke down and sobbed again. She promised she would take lot's of pictures for me! I teared up every time a new text picture was sent to me because I was so happy I was able to see their joy and excitement! Thanks to Liz for the double stroller!
Headed into the park!
They loved riding the rides with Grannie Annie!
They loved the trucks!
At the Wishing Well!
Ready for Rattle Snake Rapids
...And they got SOAKED!!
The day went good. Sam came and seen me and ordered the cheer-leading shirts--which was a huge relief! So, we visited a while about dance and cheer...she is so genuine!! I slept nearly the rest of the day--sleeping is the only way I have found to make the time to pass more quickly. About 10pm I was really antsy to see Spencer. I called him about 10:45 and surprisingly they were already on the freeway and just leaving SLC. I was so anxious to see him!! I couldn't go back to sleep and just watched the clock and played with my phone. An hour or so later I remember texting him something like this..."where are you? I am emotional, back hurts, headache, I need you!" A few minutes later he text me back that said they were at the divide!! I was elated, went into the bathroom, gathered my laptop and shoes and just waited anxiously in the living room until the car pulled up. I immediately went right outside and started crying again and he just hugged me. Another thing I have learned in this journey--Spencer makes me feel safe and secure! Something I thought I was on my own but he definitely fills the empty spots that I didn't realize I had. We have never been so close.
Tuesday I was looking forward to my weekly appointment up north and an ultrasound scheduled. My mom took the day off and offered to take me so Spencer could stay for work. I got showered and it felt so good to get semi-ready...I remember wearing a yellow maxi skirt and feeling like a million bucks, haha! On the way up my nose started gushing blood. The nifidepine to help control contractions is a vasodilator so when it bleeds it pours. Kaden was with us and he was trying to climb out of his car seat constantly. But we made it, with blood all over my skirt and all and of course running a little late.
Ultrasound was first, she measured a little small 4 pounds 5 ounces and in the 27%. They said she is small but not considered growth restricted unless she drops to 20th % tile. Plenty of fluid, good orientation (head down) and seen her cute little profile--cute little lips and nose were darling and gave me the butterfly's. After a quick vaginal ultrasound to measure cervix we were off to the next appointment in the Orem office. It was so fun to have my mom see her and hear her heartbeat!
In the office Dr. Drews was happy about the ultrasound but did look up some of the lab work from Saturday night and was a little alarmed that my fetal fibrinectin came back positive. He called the perinatologist and asked for a 2nd opinion about starting another round of betamethasone shots (for her lungs) because I had just had those done about 31/2 weeks ago. They agreed it was best, so I got the first shot around 1pm and needed to go back 24 hours later for 2nd dose. They also did the group B strep test. I was a little excited that it came back positive--but nervous too!
We then left and my mom ran a few errands for me. She stopped in and got little mittens, a bath sponge tub, and a few other last minute things I've been waiting to get. (That's one thing that has been a relief is that I am really prepared...I have the nursery done and ready, her bassinet, car seat, stroller). Since it was my anniversary she said she would take me out to eat since Spencer couldn't, Olive Garden was so good! Kaden was a pill and kept us laughing the whole time.
We then ran Kaden to his 3 year old well check and he was awesome, weighing in just under 31 pounds and BMI in the 57th %tile. He is a healthy happy boy! I started feeling pretty tired, my mom ran into the mall to grab some PJ's for Carrington then we headed home.
He was SO good for Dr. SuAnne
That night was rough...I was VERY crampy with my back hurting pretty bad. I couldn't get comfortable and just irritable. Spencer grilled some steaks and prepared a nice dinner at home to celebrate our 9th year anniversary!! He was so sweet and tried to make it as special as possible. I ended up just sleeping on the recliner and up nearly every hour. I remember just sweating...I don't know if it was hormones, the medication, or just from being in pain but I thought a time or two I wonder if I am having back labor??
The next morning I had to shower and wash my hair (even though I did the day before) because of just sweating I felt so gross. Spencer flew home from work and took me up to my appointment. I felt tired and still crampy but headed up for that 2nd dose of steroid shot. About Payson I started labor and having contractions every 3-5 minutes apart and strong like Saturday night. I was glad we were already coming up...we got there and got the shot, I told the nurse how I was feeling and she talked to Dr. Drews. He sent orders to labor and delivery to watch me and see what is going on.
I knew the contractions were pretty bad. She checked me and I had dilated another centimeter than I was the day before. She called the dr and he wanted me admitted. Two hours later I was nearly a 4 and the poor nurse when checking me, took her time...she had a puzzled look...I was like what??? She said she felt something poking--like fingers or toes. She told the dr and they rushed ultrasound down and found the little pill had flipped and is BREECH!! Her little toes is what she was feeling!!! Since Dr. Wolsey was already down doing an emergency C-Section Dr. Thorpe made the call to stop labor with the magnesium IV until we knew what we were going to do...try and flip her? go in for C-section? So if she had been head down we would have had her by now but the Lord must have known she needed more time to grow and develop and that's probably why I had such a horrible night the night before--it was her flipping!! The little pill (that's exactly what I said when we had the ultrasound). She is quite the girl already...1 out of 25 births are breech.
So in went the IV- Magnesium is a nasty horrid drug, antibiotics and just not knowing what was going on. The mag helped a little but still had contractions. The nurse said she didn't think they were going to be able to keep me pregnant, I got the vibe from her that she didn't think the mag was necessary and to just try and flip her manually or get into C-section. After talking with her she told me she has been here and done the whole bed rest, preterm babies and I think she felt my pain. She knew what a LONG hard journey this is and probably wanted to just see me get out of this misery!
I was ready for delivery!
I was able to deal with the mag pretty well (a lot better than last time) so that was a blessing in itself. It gave me a horrid headache though!! So they started the mag at about 4pm on the 12th and kept it going til 9am on the 13th, which was a pretty long time. They switched me over to a double dose of nifidepine and continued antibiotics (since we didn't have results on the strep B) and just waiting it out. They did another ultrasound and she was still breech!! So the team of dr.'s talked and felt it was best to just continue the nifidepine, let her stay inside as long as possible and not try and flip her til I am about 35 weeks then go from there, OR if I am ok with C-Section just wait until water breaks. I told them I am not ok with C-section if at all costs. The day went ok...long, tiring, Spencer came up and stayed the night. I had some visitors, Sam came, my aunt Denise and Elysia, then Liz and her 3 girls. It was a good change and nice to see everyone! I also got a phone call clear from Germany from my sister Ashley. It was SO good to talk and catch up!
They got the lab results and I am group B strep negative so they were able to hep-lock my IV--yay!! A little more freedom to get to the bathroom too! They also let me get in a quick 5 minute shower which felt like heaven! Seriously I have been missing my nightly baths though :/
The night was MUCH better--because I was off of the mag they only needed to come in every 4-6 hours rather than every hour for assessment. I slept really well, Spencer not so much in the cot.
On Friday 14th, Spencer got up about 8am and headed to work, I had a good visit with Dr. Reese--he reassured me each day is worth it and the plan is to stay here at least through the weekend then maybe think about staying up here with a family member or something--but just see how it goes. It's Katie's birthday today so I text her and Spencer dropped off her gift--I got her and Carrington matching 24th of July headbands to wear (that my friend Britni Tye made) and some diapers...I can just see them both now and how cute they will look!! Oh my lar let's hope Carrington doesn't wait until her due date--I swear that will be my luck :/ Nah--the Lord knows I couldn't handle that!
My father-in law stopped in for just a few minutes and visited. Plus, one bonus for the day...I was moved into this lovely room--has a window and a normal hospital bed rather than being in that dark labor and delivery room. I sent a text to let everyone know my room arrangements and my dad responded that he thought they would put me up in the Marriot :) Sad to say, but the new room does feel like the Marriot, ha!
My mom and Bailey and Peggy and my boys came up. I'm not kidding, I have never been so anxious to see them in my whole entire life!! Each minute felt like an eternity, I text Bailey and told her to make sure mom didn't stop anywhere and just come straight over. I even passed up on a Sonic drink. I happened to glance at the window an I could see Cody walking in then following him was Kaden. Talk about another bawling session...I tried to hold back tears so they wouldn't see me crying. But then my door opened and there they were, they both looked a little concerned. I told them they were happy tears, they climbed up and I just held them and sobbed! It didn't take long for Kaden to figure out the hospital bed and climb on everything! They were both starving and ate all my hospital dinner. Kaden loved the oreos/crackers and even called the nurse by pushing the button!
Spencer came up just a short time after and visited awhile then took the boys to monster truck show in Spanish Fork. We got a few pictures before they left.
They had won the tickets and even had pit passes thanks to Liz! They had a blast and it was so good for them to get out and spend some time with their dad. I LOVED getting these text pictures of them...Spencer said Kaden was literally in heaven! I felt my cup that had ran empty got a little fuller after this day. Another thing I've learned at a heightened level is that my boys are my life!! They hold such special places in my heart, and I could never go on without them!
Saturday the 15th was just another day--SUPER LONG! I finally got my laptop so I was able to get caught up on some bills, emails, and blogging. Dr. Wolsey checked me and my cervix had not changed, so they let me take off the fetal monitors and just do a few 20 minute runs a day and continuing on the nifedipine. Spencer stayed down home and later they went and had a BBQ at my moms. Kaden got sick--struggled with a fever, cough, and diarrhea. Ya, a boring day so I called and talked to the boys...my dad took pictures of them talking to me and sent them to me. That night he stayed at Peggy's and Cody stayed at my moms.
I also got this DARLING text message from my sweet Grandma Barton!
Father's Day came and also went....S...L...O...W...L...Y! It was probably the slowest day of my hospital stay (until Spencer came). I wanted to be home with Spencer on this special day. The kids went to church with their grandmas and he stayed and worked on the farm that morning then came up to see me. It was so good to have him spend a few hours with me. We mostly just talked and watched a movie and did lots of kissing...haha! He is such a great dad and husband. We just kept telling each other how good it will be when our baby girl comes and we can all be home together. I am not going to lie, I cried some more! He just held and kissed me and filled that empty cup again. I always have been and knew that I have been a pretty strong girl but take me from home, away from my kids and husband and I turn into the weakest person. He keeps things in perspective for me and again makes me feel safe and secure. Honestly I could not have hand picked a better man to be my husband, eternal companion, and father to my kids. He does make pretty cute kids and a very happy wife! We are truly blessed for all we have--and each other is all we need! FYI, I think Father's Day would be the BEST DAY for Carrington to arrive...???? I vote YES!!
Well, I guess that was a no...My hospital stay continued for another 3 days--I was on kind of an emotional burnout and just had to shut my phone off (which it still is majority of the time)--I just cannot deal with dance especially, because here I am away from my family and kids and missing out on so much of their lives and so dance is just one thing I cannot do right now. I feel bad not keeping in touch with Sam and Bailey about classes but it's just a subject I cannot do right now. It seems silly because I do just sit or sleep all day and there are lots of things I could be getting accomplished with dance but emotionally I can't. I have learned to listen to my heart and do what's best for me. My family all knows that if I need something or ready to talk then I will call, and they all understand it's not them it's just my emotions right now.
Wednesday, I was able to be released as long as I stay in Utah County. So my sweet aunt Dianna came and picked me up and took me to her house where I stayed 6 days. It was such a good change of pace. I slept REALLY well...like that's all I feel like I did all day long. But most importantly I gained a close relationship with their family. Dianna and I had some really great conversations about life in general. Dianna is a very giving person and was so kind!! My testimony also grew as I listened to her talk about some of her life experiences. I appreciate her and her family so much! Spencer came up to see me a few of those days and it was so great to see him! Cody has had a lot of fun with aunt Lindsay and Carson and went to 7-peaks, and played at the park.
My non-stress test was on Thursday June 20th so Spencer came and took me to that appointment. It was kind of funny because they hooked me up to the monitors and the nurse said she would be back in after 20 minutes of monitoring then we could go. Spencer was watching the monitor and said , "hun your having some contractions." I told him they were no big deal and that's how they are all day long. Shortly after the two nurses came in and were very concerned and said I am having very consistent contractions and asked if I was ok and that they would call Dr. Thorpe and see what he wants to do and then they would check me. I told them this is nothing new and I promise they didn't hurt and this is how they have been for months. They didn't believe me and called the dr, came back in and said he is fine with them as long as they don't hurt or I feel like they are any different.
My kids went to the zoo with Cache, Bailey, and grannie Annie and grandpa Gary on Friday June 21st. They had a blast! Kaden loved the elephants and Cody loved the grizzly bears!
Spencer also came up again and pushed me in a wheel-chair all over cabelas then we met up with my family at Cafe Rio! IT WAS SO GOOD TO HOLD MY BOYS!! It was a day I will never forget. Cody brought me a package of oreos for me :) And when it was time to leave Cody fought hard and tried to keep his little tears from coming, but I told him he could come stay with me a night. He lit up and was way excited!! When we turned to get in the car I had a break down and just sobbed!
So Spencer was so awesome and brought me back to Richard and Diannas and just laid with me in the bedroom and we talked, cried, and just held one another. We have grown so close and shared some things we want out of life and things we can improve on to make more time for us and our family. He didn't leave Lehi until about 11:30pm so I text him to keep him awake until he got home!
The plan is now, that I will be staying with my aunt Melissa in Mapleton this week. That will be really fun and just looking forward to another day/week down!
